My grandmother, my only grandmom that I had known my whole life.  In fact, she was my step-grandmom, but she was my grandma.  Two years ago, she was diagnosed with Cancer, for the fourth or fifth time in her life, and with four different types of Cancer.  She had weeks to live.  I had just gotten off the drugs, was in severe pain, had two young children but Grandma needed help, someone to watch her, help her with getting around as it progressed, especially the Brain Cancer.  I drove 90 minutes at least twice a day to cook, be a companion, sleep through the night and eventually keep watch at the Hospice.  Up through the night, reading to her, and I loved every minute of it.  I definately did not get needed sleep, but I survived I worked through it, and I did it without thought.  I went into survival mode.

Survival Mode happens to most.  Something happens, like a death and you turn into a mode that will get things done, and just get through the time, you continue to do what you have to do. 

What happens when Survival Mode becomes the new way of life?

When you are diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, you have already been in Survival Mode, and you are hoping until the Doctors are able to do something to help.  If there is help. 

Getting up, getting dressed, eating, moving, any action, thinking all becomes part of the survival mode.  You slowly start to do just what you need to do to get through the day, what you need to do to just survive.  Is this living?  What happened to living, to laughing, experiencing, socializing, doing?  We, you forget that it is suppossed to be more than just surviving.

My son, the most honest being I have ever met (he even tells on himself), came to me yesterday and said "mommy we actually do stuff now, when you are on the couch you are laughing at me (yes I do laugh at him), you dance, we can do stuff now, thank you"  Even the little things, watching the stars, playing a board game, going to a movie theatre, is living. 

When was the last time you started to live, did you something you loved, and not just survive?
 


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