A simple question to my family,
What would have been most helpful for you when I was in the worst time with the
Fibro?
My father answered with a response that opened my eyes to what he felt and went through. I am sharing this with you. Take from it what you will, but my fathers opening line "You are not always one" is very true and what is often forgotten when you are overwhelmed with pain.
You are not always "one".
I think that there are a number of things, some of which you did
quite well.
Knowing precisely what you were
going through and how it impacted you in specific situations was extremely
helpful. And, I think that for the most part you did that very well.
Regardless of the research we could have done on this, fybro (like anything else) impacts on each
individual in a different manner. Thus, although I had an idea of the nature of
the ailment, knowing what it did to you made it easier to relate to and deal
with.
Given our relationship and the similarities (at least in this regard) of our
personalities, it would have been terrific if you had asked for assistance. I
know, believe me I KNOW, how difficult this is. Such a behaviour flies in the face of our shared
"leave me alone" attitude, particularly when we are not at our best. At the
same time I now know that I should have asked more questions and have been far
more insistent on getting answers. I don't think either of us did this very
well; although the bulk of that failure is on me. You were simply acting in the
manner you were taught and had grown accustomed.
Regardless of the previous paragraph, I think it
would have been very helpful for you (or, more importantly now I suppose, for
those you are advising) to ask for specific things to be done on your behalf.
This may be easier for you, me and others. In other words, if the individual
under the grip of fybro were to ask for groceries to be done,
laundry to be taken care of, appointments to be made, etc., it may make the
process of seeking and providing assistance easier. It is my view that simple
tasks like this can better empower the provider and recipient to tackle the
issues together in small chunks; rather than trying to fix the entire problem.
I hope this bit makes sense as I believe it to be critical. And,
notwithstanding that we probably could have done better I think we did a fairly
good job in this regard. You, of course, did it much better than
I.
When you are advising your clients I think it is important for them to understand that this
is not just their "problem". You did this quite well also. However, and this
is not meant as a criticism (for I do not know how I would have done it much
differently), children of your clients should not feel as though they are
caregivers for their parents. That is too much responsibility. I think that we
all may have put too much on your son's (name was omitted) (in particular) shoulders. Children should be just that. Once again, though, I think it is difficult to balance not keeping them in the dark with perhaps telling them too much.
I think that one of the greatest problems is our society-defined roles. I am
an earner. You are a caregiver. Those sorts of traditional roles do not lend
themselves to working together in a manner that best helps anyone in such a
situation. However, I'm not sure how you would tackle tearing down centuries of
defined acting. Yeah, I know; not so helpful.
So, while this may have been a quick question, the answer is somewhat lengthier.
Well, what isn't when you ask me? I would like to reserve the right to respond
further as I ponder what I have written and give the question some more thought.
Hopefully this was of some value to you and your future business (or whatever
the purpose). Regardless, I know the exercise will assist me and us in
future.
Love,
pop
Take from it what you will, but my fathers opening line "You are not always one"
is very true and what is often forgotten when you are overwhelmed with pain.
What would have been most helpful for you when I was in the worst time with the
Fibro?
My father answered with a response that opened my eyes to what he felt and went through. I am sharing this with you. Take from it what you will, but my fathers opening line "You are not always one" is very true and what is often forgotten when you are overwhelmed with pain.
You are not always "one".
I think that there are a number of things, some of which you did
quite well.
Knowing precisely what you were
going through and how it impacted you in specific situations was extremely
helpful. And, I think that for the most part you did that very well.
Regardless of the research we could have done on this, fybro (like anything else) impacts on each
individual in a different manner. Thus, although I had an idea of the nature of
the ailment, knowing what it did to you made it easier to relate to and deal
with.
Given our relationship and the similarities (at least in this regard) of our
personalities, it would have been terrific if you had asked for assistance. I
know, believe me I KNOW, how difficult this is. Such a behaviour flies in the face of our shared
"leave me alone" attitude, particularly when we are not at our best. At the
same time I now know that I should have asked more questions and have been far
more insistent on getting answers. I don't think either of us did this very
well; although the bulk of that failure is on me. You were simply acting in the
manner you were taught and had grown accustomed.
Regardless of the previous paragraph, I think it
would have been very helpful for you (or, more importantly now I suppose, for
those you are advising) to ask for specific things to be done on your behalf.
This may be easier for you, me and others. In other words, if the individual
under the grip of fybro were to ask for groceries to be done,
laundry to be taken care of, appointments to be made, etc., it may make the
process of seeking and providing assistance easier. It is my view that simple
tasks like this can better empower the provider and recipient to tackle the
issues together in small chunks; rather than trying to fix the entire problem.
I hope this bit makes sense as I believe it to be critical. And,
notwithstanding that we probably could have done better I think we did a fairly
good job in this regard. You, of course, did it much better than
I.
When you are advising your clients I think it is important for them to understand that this
is not just their "problem". You did this quite well also. However, and this
is not meant as a criticism (for I do not know how I would have done it much
differently), children of your clients should not feel as though they are
caregivers for their parents. That is too much responsibility. I think that we
all may have put too much on your son's (name was omitted) (in particular) shoulders. Children should be just that. Once again, though, I think it is difficult to balance not keeping them in the dark with perhaps telling them too much.
I think that one of the greatest problems is our society-defined roles. I am
an earner. You are a caregiver. Those sorts of traditional roles do not lend
themselves to working together in a manner that best helps anyone in such a
situation. However, I'm not sure how you would tackle tearing down centuries of
defined acting. Yeah, I know; not so helpful.
So, while this may have been a quick question, the answer is somewhat lengthier.
Well, what isn't when you ask me? I would like to reserve the right to respond
further as I ponder what I have written and give the question some more thought.
Hopefully this was of some value to you and your future business (or whatever
the purpose). Regardless, I know the exercise will assist me and us in
future.
Love,
pop
Take from it what you will, but my fathers opening line "You are not always one"
is very true and what is often forgotten when you are overwhelmed with pain.
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